Archive for the ‘Humour of Matrix’ Category

Human Race in Search of the First Dirt: Our Peace Depends Deadly on to Find It!

Tuesday, July 10th, 2012

This joke is related to our issue about world visions:

A group of scientist discovered how to create life. They decided it was time to tell God they no longer needed him (or her). One scientist was nominated to go tell God. At the meeting, the scientist explained their discovery to God and said that he was no longer needed by mankind. God said, “Okay, but I would like to see how you do it before leaving you on your own”. The scientist then bent down and scooped up a cup of dirt to begin the experiment. God wagged his finger at the scientist and said: “No, no, get your own dirt”

Moral of this story:
If there is no proven fact that serves as a foundation for a human being to say that there is a mighty God, magic, creator of all things, etc.., there is also no a proven fact proving any other theory, similar to this or deny this. Our only alternative is to be agnostic ( I don’t know, but I will search the knowledge), and continue investing in the pursuit and expansion of knowledge of natural facts and events, reaching the borders of the universe (if any), exceeds them and everything will end only when we truly know the first dirt (if there was one).

Moral of this story:If there is no proven fact that serves as a foundation for a human being to say that there is a mighty God, magic, creator of all things, etc.., there is also no a proven fact proving any other theory, similar to this or deny this. Our only alternative is to be agnostic ( I don’t know, but I will search the knowledge), and continue investing in the pursuit and expansion of knowledge of natural facts and events, reaching the borders of the universe (if any), exceeds them and everything will end only when we truly know the first dirt (if there was one).

Found the Fundamental Cause of Obesity: The Higg’s Particle “give mass to the bodies” – Louis Morelli

Thursday, July 5th, 2012

The famous team of researchers in Medicine at Cern Hospital discovered  the answer for why the Universe is becoming larger, fat. And… since that every man has the universe inside…

They said the Higgs boson explains what gives all matter in the universe size and shape.”

If the Higgs boson gave the size and shape to matter of Jennifer Lopes body, I want to buy a lot of Higgs boson…

The expansion means that the Universe’ s body is getting mass, obesity, and the culprit is the Higgs particle.

More humour in the Internet about the higgs particle:

http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/08/tech/higgs-boson-humor/

xxx Category: Humour by Matrix/DNA

The Matrix / DNA Causes Panic in the Journal “The State Column”

Sunday, July 3rd, 2011
xxxx
The Matrix could not resist laughing and fell upon the newspaper office. It turns out that yesterday published an article …
(See: “NASA’s Kepler continues to discover astounding and strange planets” -
Read more: # http://www.thestatecolumn.com/science/nasa-kepler-new-planets-strange/ ixzz1fVqA13Yh)
Ok, the news was not the reason the laughter of the heavenly Matrix, but readers’ comments posted in the article. For example:
- – “Find a planet to have the whole of Israel there!” – I think this was written by a Palestinian …
- I just discovered NASA’s discovery of newly discovered planets.
- “Occupy Uranius ! ” – this is from one of the anonymous Wall Street Occupy movement …
- If it is from NASA, you cannot trust it.
And it continues …
Then a powerful voice from heaven sounded in the newspaper, saying:
“I cannot believe I Laughed at this til i could not breathe. I’m pathetic! “
Then the Matrix did what usually does, using me as her horse-medium and ran my hands to post a comment that has been seen by the world astronomical community and has generated, including NASA, a barrage of phone calls:
From: Louis Morelli

The Matrix at The State Column Journal

Humorists, Occupy The State Column!
Here is the place for write weird things?
Let’s go on… I will register here what said an abducted friend of mine:
There are no two earthlike planets as there are no two human beings equals. Planets were created like human beings, by reproductive mechanical Newtonian process (black holes is the female, pulsar is
the male and comets are spermatozoons emitted by pulsars which fecundates black holes). So, there are infinite forms of astronomical bodies. There was no origin of life because biological systems (aka life) are merely evolutionary continuation of astronomical systems, which has already all life’s properties
(metabolism, vital cycle, reproduction, etc.). Then, life ( in the shape of biological systems) is everywhere where the physical conditions permit it to flourishes, because the galaxy emits from itself the seeds of biological systems.
The first original galaxy(ies) was produced like the first cell system: by symbioses. Nature got from the cloud of primordial light atoms a solid body and applied the mechanisms of vital cycles: the body got seven different shapes. These shapes aligned naturally building a circuit, which became a system. Like in the first cell formation a first common ancestral developed under vital cycle the shapes of nucleus, centriolos, ribosomes, mitochondria and by symbioses became a cell system. But, like later cells systems learned how to reproduce itself, later stellar system learned how to recycle itself: a new stellar system is born from the death of an old one.
Astronomical systems had DNA. The configuration of the original galaxy is the same configuration of a base-pair of nucleotides. Each nitrogenous base performs a specific function like each astronomical body performs in an original galaxy. By entropy causing nanotechnology, the photons emitted by stars radiation has the bias to organize themselves like the system where they came from… these are the seeds of life.
A lot of surprising revelations like this is at the website about “The Matrix/DNA Theory” and I am the team of one alone testing these affirmations… thousands of evidences registered in the site are telling us that the whole thing makes sense. Now, you excuse-me but I need go out for pick up more photons coming from the sun because I am building a new living being in my lab…
Read more: http://www.thestatecolumn.com/science/nasa-kepler-new-planets-strange/#ixzz1fVvSczOH
Now, let’s waiting the bombing of cuttlefish eggs over my shoulders, because the Matrix does her crazy things and I stay paying the price here …
(section: it happened only in my dreams…)

HOW THE SCIENTIFIC SYSTEMIC METHOD CAN MAKE US POWERFUL AND RICH

Saturday, January 22nd, 2011

Once time I got the government’s license for doing a scientific research in a 50 square mile territory in the hearth of Amazon jungle. Then I arrive there with my two auxiliaries trained by me about how works the scientific method. We made our “choupana” ( a kind of jungle house) but  we discovered that there was about six white man exploring gold in the territory. Unbelievable! Everybody believed that never before a white human went there! Ok, we showed the government’s documents but the men began to crying asking to stay there than I asked a condition: “ I will identify scientifically everybody here. Fingerprints, interval of heart pulsation, bank account, etc.”

Three days after that the men came to our choupana at night searching for one that was disappeared. They were very exhaust and hungry because they searched all day and fall sleeping. Then I said to my auxiliaries: “Ok, we cannot permit a lost and exhaust man in the jungle at night he will die. In another hand this is a good opportunity for us to show to these native people how much is better the scientific method with technology, they need awake up for the marvelous of SCIENCE! Then let’s go search this man. You take the radio, the laptop, and all scientific apparatus for body identification (maybe the man is already dead) and go to south. You go to north. Remember:  it’s night, when the felines like the jaguar are hunting. The anaconda also. Don’t walk erectus when smell meat or listen to some noise, be careful, uh…?  I will stay here in the central at the side of the radio and computer.”

About two hours later a voice in the radio: “Here speaking auxiliary One. I smelled meat, then I began advancing dragging in the soil, now I am touching a hand, I believe is the man. May I lift up and see the entire body?”

- “What?! What are you saying? Did you forget everything I teach you? This is a scientific sin, a heresy! Remember: first the reductionist method. Only after it we can apply the systemic method. Seeing the entire body, vision of the whole is about systemic method, this must be made later. Now, hands at work. Fingerprint, interval of blood flow, etc…”

- “Hey, boss! Here speaking auxiliary number 2. I am touching something here, it is too much dark, too much leaves and foliage over, I am cleaning…but I am almost sure that…. yes, is it: a foot of a man …”

- “What?! But I sent number 1 to south and number 2 to north. If Number One found the hand how the hell could you find the foot? Where are you? I mean… read the instrument…”

- “Oh… I am 34 grades zulu north, latitude 344, longitude 67.305 square mit, Amazon jungle, Brazil, South America, planet Earth, Milk Way, Universe The One Known Till Now!”

- Ok. And you, number 2. Where are you?”

- “I am 87 grades zulu south, latitude 372, longitude 67.855 square mit, Amazon jungle, Brazil, South America…

-Ok, ok, but this is impossible! let me do some calculations… 372 less 34 is 348… the difference between longitudes is 550… hey… it means that one is 8 miles distant from the other! But Number One is touching the hand and Number 2 is touching the foot… How could do that?

- “Boss… I can lift up and see the body? I think that it is buried under the land…”

- “Never! Jamé! Do not break the scientific rules! First the analyses of details of the immediate sample obeying the reductionist method. Second, the analyses and the vision of the whole obeying the scientific systemic method, when you will go up in the top of the tallest tree or next mountain for to have a systemic vision of the whole. Ok? Never more ask such thing to me again! Don’t break a rule from the two thousand and three hundreds commandments of the Holly Sacred Science!”

- “Sorry, boss. I never will ask it again…

- “That’s my good boy. Now back to work. What is your first hypothesis, Number 2?

- “Different corps?”

- “Impossible. You know never nobody came here. And remember; every good scientist is a skeptical. We don’t believe in ghosts! You…? Number One? your hypothesis first, then, if it makes sense and shows evidences will be a scientific theory…”

- “Then… glup… maybe the man eat a giant banana and the substance that makes the banana to be giant works fast and made the man a giant also…?”

- “Interesting… very good hypothesis, Number One. You are a genius! But then we need to leave the man to New York! A giant 8 miles tall !!! We will get a lot of money! I am seeing the writings over the door of the museum: The Human King Kong! 10 dollars the ticket…”

- Yes boss! We be rich! Yes boss…”

- “Yaaa… but… boss… do you permit me a scientific observation?”

- “What?”

- “Isn’t should better if we locate the giant banana and get the substance… I mean… to live the substance to New York?”

- “The banana substance! You are a genius! Yes, why I didn’t think about it before!? We can apply the substance in the workers of transportation, the post-office delivery, then, without move from a unique location a unique man can delivery mails to a larger region…”

- “ Yes boss… another man can be a bridge over tthe Hudson River for people walking over him from Mahattan to New Jersey…”

- ‘Well…  I am having a lot of ideas. The banana substance: A small fruit to man, but a giant jump towards giantology!”

- “Yaaa… yes… The astronaut landing in the moon said it too, genial boss…”.

- ‘And we discovered the anti-method of nanotechnology: giantology!  Let’s go back to work. Identifications of hand and foot. Take fingerprints first, send to my computer.”

- “Boss… the flow of blood in the fingers is too much slow… I am waiting for seven minutes and nothing…?”

- “Ahn? Oh… he…he… my boy is too much young in the scientific learning yet. Tell me: suppose that the  interval between two pulsations in a normal man is one minute. How much taller is this man?”

- “8 miles long.”

- “Then, the interval of pulsation must be multiplied by about… let me see… 8 miles shared by 2 meters… about 4.ooo minutes. The next pulsation will come in … 4.000 minutes shared by 60m minutes is… 65 hours! We cannot wait such time. Forget pulsation by now. Temperature?”

- Boss… I have a problem. The first time we identified the man we got 300 cells and 403 pores by square centimeter of his peel. Now I am getting the same numbers. But if the man became a giant, the territory of the peel expanded, so, should have less density which means that should have less cells and pores by square centimeter. I am right?

- “Interesting scientific observation, Number One. You are learning fast. It is like the Universe expansion: if the universe is in expansion and the galaxies are running out one from the other, at any square kilometer must have less galaxy in the future than in the past…”

- “Genial observation, boss… remember… it is Number 2 saying that. Don’t forget it at my final examination…”

- Yes… This problem of pores is a big puzzle…  Ok. let’s go now to apply the check-mate in this historic investigation! Must bring on… the SCIENTIFIC SYSTEMIC METHOD! First of all: look to the surrounding environment: are there big mountains?”

- “No”.

- Not here…”

-“Are there big trees?”

- “Yes!”

- “Then… go up to the top of the tree. With binocule, telescope, camera, and so on.”

- Ok, boss. Now I am seeing… there is no body! Only a hand here!”

- “Hey… only a feet here! There is no body…”

- “Huh?… Where is the giant body? No banana substance? No New York money?…”

- ” What beautiful dream… But we prove something too much important here: the unfalibility of the scientific systemic method! It solved the puzzle in few minutes!’

- “Yes, boss, applauses for the scientific systemic method. Well… now I am understanding what happened: the five or six jaguars that are waiting for me at the land, I think, have dispersed parts of the body by 8 miles around…”

-”What?!”

Next chapter, more adventures of our heroic scientists in this novel: “Discovering the Jungle”